Sunday, June 10, 2012

it hasn't hit me yet.

It hasn't hit me yet.

I was waiting to write until it did-- but one week of not registering in my head (and more importantly my heart) has left me impatient.

Eight months ago I started an adventure.  I had no insight to what I could expect, only words of advice from what and who I already knew.  I reached out of my box.  My box that I haven't left for a very long time (my whole life, to be precise).  That box is entitled "Social Life; in Other Words, Education".  Leaving a 4A high school with 1400 kids to a charter school of 400 high schoolers totally flipped my world upside down.  If you've followed along over the past couple months you've seen what transpired.  I became a new person.  I think I like who I've become, but it's often disappointing to see that I've run a little bit further ahead of my friends, and I want them to catch up with me and see the world how I do.

I learned to love people no matter who they are, or who they are to someone else.  Be best friends with the kid who ruins the curve for the entire class because they know absolutely everything, yet are the ones who may not have as many friends as you do.  Sit next to people that might make you uncomfortable with their appearance, because quite frankly you have no one else to sit by.  Reach out.  Love unconditionally. Judge not.  Fear less.  Express thoughts.  Be genuine.  Break social barriers.  Have the reality of life start to creep into your life.  Move on.

It took me seven out of the eight months to love where I was, and to stop looking back at what could have been if I hadn't shifted my course, yet now I have begun to understand WHY I went and who I've started to become.  Recognizing who you are is essential, and a life changing understanding.  Everything starts to make sense, and you finally realize why God intervenes, why things don't happen the way you want, and why life isn't fair.  Questions about life are inexplicably answered.

But for reasons I will not explain here (another day, perhaps), public school became my decision for senior year.  Back to the graduating class I grew up with throughout the years, back to the school I have loved with all my heart, back to the social events (not that they matter dearly, but they do sometimes), and back to the old.  But with a new me.  We will see what next year has in store for me, but that is why you follow along with me, you want to know too, don't you?

And that is why last Monday should have been a very hard day for me.  Leaving all those individuals who changed my life (and they genuinely did, as explicitly stated above), not seeing most of them ever again most likely, should have left my mind muddled and my heart hurting.  But to come hasn't hit me yet.  


  1. I think in a way we've all run further ahead, but in different directions. We've all started running on the path that leads to our passion; our passions are all different.

  2. hey i gave you and your cute blog an award :)
    see it at my latest blog post!

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