complicated summer.

june 10.

leave for The National Youth Leadership Forum on Medicine. (in BOSTON).

arrive at my cousin's house in boston. spend the night. next day leave for Babson College for the Forum.

june 21.

go back to my cousin's house in boston. do all my laundry. change everything from the Forum suitcase to the France suitcase. ship the forum suitcase home.

FLY TO PARIS, FRANCE.

june 22.

take a train from the Charles de Gaul airport to the real train station in Paris.

change trains. also don't lose stuff/get murdered/get raped, etc.

take a train to Brittany, France.

somehow meet up with Florence and Stephane (do i know what they look like? not exactly)

june 22-july whatever.

try not to cry in despair over the language barrier, try not to get homesick, etc.

finally, mom and dad and adam come:)

we do the whole Tour de France shindig.

july whatever-july 31.

mom, adam, and i go to africa. again. :) ah i love this work my mom does. i may just follow in her footsteps one day, we will see.

july 31. home.

august 2. (two days later)

GIRLS CAMP.

oh dear...

then of course, two weeks later, school starts. well, there goes my summer! of course, i wouldn't trade it for the world :)

this, is my complicated summer.

this is how i feel:

uggggggggghhhhhhh.

not.

good.

at.

all.

my mom said that i wouldn't be nauseated after my first surgery.

oooohhhh, how wrong she was about that.

(isn't it always lovely to throw up blood?)

not too excited about the IV in my arm, but feeling a little happy and excited from the anesthesia.

and this is me now:

notttttt a happy camper. look at those cheeks.

OUCH.

stressin. stressin. stressin. ahhh!!!

T-[minus] 15 days!!!!!!!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

i don't know if my french is going to be good enough.

vont-ils me comprendre??

i hope anything from the french final i took today will stay with me!

i promise you i will be crying and crying all night and day when i get there, its going to be so hard to adjust!!

its like throwing a little kid into a pool and expecting them to swim. they're going to struggle..

that will be me. hopefully won't take me too long to really pick it up!

Failures; its ok.

So I started hurdling this year: loved EVERY BIT OF IT. had the best coach, best team, and my best friends to push me to become better than i ever could before. A few weeks ago we had a meet at Orem, and this was my opportunity to qualify for STATE in the 300 hurdles. I had a 100 hurdle race that morning. All of a sudden, unexpectedly, I FELL. that is the LAST thing i wanted to do, the LAST thing i planned, and consequently, took me out of the running for qualifying for state. My entire knee and leg was torn up, bloody, and bruised from the fall. I couldn't walk either. I was so devastated, so hurt, felt like I would never be able to recover from it. But, along with taking good care of my injury and some praying, I was able to compete in my upcoming meets: including REGION.

Here's the rundown of region for me:

I placed 1st in my heat in the 100 hurdles, and ended up QUALIFYING FOR FINALS.

that was more than i could ask for, especially since that's not what i focus on. and on top of that, i was seeded 6th place.

Second race, 300 hurdles:

Here was what I felt like not my best race at all. It wasn't my fastest race, but, to my amazement, it was enough to get me seeded 7th in FINALS FOR THE 300 HURDLES.

again, after feeling so bad about the race already, this was more than i could ask for. qualifying for BOTH my hurdle races for finals, it was such an incredible feeling:)

The next day of finals came: i was ready! if i could just place 4th in finals, then that was my chance to QUALIFY FOR STATE.

the races both came and went. it was not what i wanted. i placed 7th in finals for the 100's with my best time being in prelims with a 17.46, then i placed 7th out of 7 in my 300's; even though i got a PR of 50.06.. inching my way towards that qualifying time (48.25). which meant this:

NO STATE..

the beauty of this complete disappointment was this:

a hug and some reassuring words from my teammate, Alisa Baker. She and i both started hurdles together, and she was the one that i looked to to push myself, and we ended up racing together in finals for the first time. She doesn't know how much that meant to me, but her compassion for me is something that i'm going to remember for the rest of my life. I'm so grateful Jen was able to capture this in photo.

moral of the story: yeah, sometimes you're going to have failures in life; or at least not perform as well as you can/should/would/wanted to, etc. but, we always have to learn from these experiences, and grow from them. This was definitely a hard moment in my life, and although it was hard to find the good in it, there are so many things that I take from it.

my first.

my first what, you say?

wisdom teeth removal.

thats all i have to say...

DATE: FRIDAY.

i cannot tell you how afraid i am to get an IV...

i'm sure i will be posting all sorts of funny things i say this weekend.. look forward to them, because i know i won't!

it's all about poetry&scripture.

you already may think that i'm a slightly UNordinary person, yet to add to this list of my oddities is this:

i love poetry.

yes. i know. the dreaded 3 syllable word that when your english teacher announces in class you just DREAD.

not i, said the cow!

alright, i'm not a cow, but you get what i mean. I would like to share with you my favorite poem; i'm sure you've heard it before.

INVICTUS

William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

just a little food for thought.

This, I feel, pairs well with my favorite scripture passage, at the moment.

D&C 88:42-45

"And again, verily I say unto you, he hath given a law unto all things, by which they move in their times and their seasons;

And their courses are fixed, even the courses of the heavens and the earth, which comprehend the earth and all the planets.

And they give light to each other in their times and in their seasons, in their minutes, in their hours, in their days, in their weeks, in their months, in their years--all these are one year with God, but not with man.

The earth rolls upon her wings, and the sun giveth his light by day, and the moon giveth her light by night, and the stars also give their light, as they roll upon their wings in their glory, in the midst of the power of God."

I don't feel like I need to explain that to you; it can apply differently to everyone. To me, it is what keeps me going through the rough patches of life, especially the ones i experience now. Rely on the Lord to help you in everything :)

my gratitude list.

im grateful for moms.

moms cook dinner for you.

moms help you with genius ideas for creative projects due the next day.

moms are there to talk to you about whatever problems you feel like you can't face alone.

im grateful for compliments.

compliments make these rainy days we've been having so much brighter.

compliments make you feel beautiful; even when you don't feel like it.

compliments (especially from a boy) mean the world.

im grateful for opportunities.

opportunities to go to a great high school, where my knowledge isn't compromised.

opportunities to travel the world, where my life changes forever.

opportunities to have a brother with challenges that continue to make me a better person.

**im grateful for my sissy tori, who i grew up with and who loves me no matter what happens:) love you sis.

and last but definitely NEVER least:

im grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

that, in and of itself, is self-explanitory.

i wouldn't be the person i am today if it weren't for the church.

purpose and plan.

my purpose for having a blog is simple:

1) i spend entirely too much time on facebook and need a better outlet.

and

2) over the summer, i will be:

HERE.

This, ladies and gentleman, is Brittany, France.

I will be living with some family friends there.

all alone.

thousands of miles away from my family and friends.

it's worth it though; maybe my 4 years of french will pay off!

so, as a result, blogging will become my main source of communication [mostly one way] for the summer.

i'll update what i'm doing, what i see, how well i can assimilate into the culture and language, what extravagant food i'll eat, etc.

hopefully, you'll be able to enjoy what i get to experience through here.

this, is my blog's purpose, and my plan to carry it out.

the start of something new.

I CAVED.

my stubborn self said that i wouldn't do this: obviously that didn't work out too well.

as a first post, i'll let you know a little bit about myself.

emily vera brown.

I am 16. A beautiful age. A sophomore in high school. Immediate responsibility thrust upon you. Dating. Driving. All that a young girl dreams about. Thank heavens that day came!

I play the harp. Yes, I have only played for 6 years, but nevertheless, concertos are my forte.

I run track. I have ran since I was in 5th grade, and have loved it ever since. Hurdles is what I do :)

I like to cook, especially with my dad. He's a lovely man, you should get to know him [and his food].

My favorite subjects in school are math and science. Yes, I'm one of those crazy people. Who cares? It's what I'm good at, I could spend my entire life studying it, and I'm never tired of it.

I guess I could go on, but what's the point in that? There's a little bit about me, if you have any questions: you know what to do! (comment.)

And oh right, here's to you, Kaleb! You'd better be so happy I included you in this.

P.S. I'm not making any promises that I will post every day-although I will do my very best to try.

P.P.S. This is my alternate for my Facebook addiction.