the facets of life (an explanation).

i think a lot of people describe life in linear terms; yes or no, white or black, up or down, left or right, and so on.  this, i feel, is almost never the case.  in fact, life doesn't follow patterns, either.

life can be turned upside down, ripped in half, shredded to bits, patched back together, and yet never strong as it was originally.  we've all experienced this, part of life is learning how to handle disappointments and failures.  on the other hand, life can be reinforced, built to last, and withstand all heartache and bumps in the road.  

naturally, our first instinct is to gravitate toward the first side of this, and having our own pity party.  of course this doesn't help our case much, rather, it hinders us from progression.

but not only is there the physical aspect to describe life, there are the multiple facets of emotion, which are all strung together.  if one emotion is tampered with, it consequently affects another.  even subconsciously, if one string is pulled, it is felt from all surfaces, sometimes causing a chain reaction.

i think with this explanation (my own), you can begin to understand why some situation may seem small and unimportant to you, when your friend irrationally reacts to it.  or, per se, the tables turn, and you happen to be the over-reactor.  

lesson #1.  its times like these where you just need to take a step back, breathe, and let things fix themselves.

lesson #2.  don't think of life in terms of absolutes.  "I'll never get there", "it always ends like this", "i can't fix my life", etc.

remember the Lion King?

of course you do.

does the circle of life ring a bell?

it's a circle for a reason, and i would care to argue that it's rather a sphere than anything else.

highlights.. and lowlights

Christmas was eventful.  And ever continues to be, at this point.

*Best present by far, was being the recipient of a bass guitar.  A black and white Fender Squier.  It sounds lovely, can't wait to start jamming.  Can't believe this is my third instrument already.

*Skiing has taken place almost every day for the past week and a half, even though Utah has not received a single snow storm this year, absolutely ridiculous.

*Got in quite a bit of trouble yesterday.  Always seems to happen when I feel like I'm doing everything right for once, but then I happen to mess it all up, even though I want to make it all right.

*Besides getting privileges revoked, things turned around when I received my ACT scores back today.  First time ever taking it and not feeling great about the whole thing either, I consider 28 a great start!  My goal of 33 isn't too far away :)

To top it all off, I like getting ready for the day sometimes.

winter oddity?

it's been an odd winter season, for a few reasons.

*living in the frigid climate of (semi) northern Utah, we usually have about 2 feet of snow in the valley by this time of year.

season of 2011? absolutely none.  we haven't had a single large dump.

*new environment of school. trust me the list is never-ending on that topic.

*as if i believed school was my #1 priority before.. now it REALLY is.

*after Christmas break, i have almost the whole month of January off for a school project.  Back to Boston once more, promise more details will come later.

*Finals are this week. 2 hours per class, split among 3 days.  It's stressing me out.

*I don't feel like doing anything creative.  Harp, writing, or reading.  Bad, Emily.

*I have the sudden urge to be like all those other girls to spend who knows how long, taking photos of themselves until the perfect one comes out, all with that fancy camera.  I guess that's not me, cause it hasn't happened even though the camera is in my possession.

(this is the best i got..)

last, and DEFINITELY least,

all. i ever feel like doing. is coming up with witty facebook statuses.  what can i say.  it's been a weird season.

mistletoe?

Facebook status last week:

"I think I'll take advantage of a mistletoe this year :)"

36 likes. and a couple offers.

Yesterday:

mom came home with some mistletoe for me.  she thought i better have one ready after she read my status.

it's quite large.  don't mind the sunday sweats, either.  it's 20 degrees and snowing.

injuries.

sometimes you think that parts of your life can slip past you, and that you can simply breeze by.

like a seagull. 

or, maybe like when you know you need to clip your toenails. but you just don't want to reach down there to get the job done.

i think that is kind of how i feel about thinking about college. growing up. i know that i need to spend time to really think about what i want to do. and i always thought i knew. but when it comes down to the nitty gritty details, i don't want to think.

along the same lines, teenagers think that they can cruise their way through high school, not have to worry  and stress about schoolwork, and still expect to get by without any injury.

I definitely slipped into thinking like this.  and what do you know.  i'm injured.

Monday came and went last week, and I started my pre-season track workouts with my coach.  After my first workout, I was extremely sore and tight, but hey, that always goes away, right?  Psh, I'll be fine.

The NEXT Monday. (yesterday). at practice again, and still tight as can be.  coach isn't there to discuss my capabilities, and so i do the workout.

next thing you know, i have a pulled quadricep.

(also known as THIGH. yum.)

yes, that extremely large muscle in your leg that enables you to walk.  bend down. sit. what have you.

my mindset was engulfed in the notion that yes, i could weasel my way though the next 6 months sneakily, without something terribly disappointing happening.

well. i learned my lesson.

i wish i was a boy.

i hate being a girl.

besides the obvious of the monthly occurrences and even the thought of bearing children (nasty), being a girl is absolutely horrendous.

#1. we have hair.  that has to be given daily attention in order to control.

#2. make up? so not worth it. no one really notices anyway, unless you slather it on until you can't tell what color your skin is any longer, bronze, or peach.

#3. "Hey gir--" oh wait. we hate each other. i'm not supposed to talk to you. seriously? get over it already!

#4. i don't care who your boyfriend is.  i'll be friends with him if i want to, AND you don't own him. and just the fact that he is captain of the football team student body president baseball star starting varsity basketball point guard DOESN'T make you any better in the eyes of other people.  moral of the story, don't be shallow.

that is all.

24 hours isn't enough.

excuse my ignorance.  the past few weeks have been.. well. on the busy side. for a lack of anything better to say, (and my excuse for not posting anything) here is the agenda for the next two weeks of my life.

tomorrow:   government memorization.

saturday:     play harp at the hospital for a program my friend and i are starting. (details later.)

sunday:       give 5 minute talk on humility in church.  thanks, father.

[thanksgiving break.  thank the heavens.]

monday:     essay on the Scarlet Letter due for English. haven't started.

tuesday:      play harp for a social event for an organized group of older ladies in my church.

wednesday:            government project due. haven't begun to think about it yet.
wednesday again:  play harp at my youth group's weekly activity at an old folk's home. lovely.

friday:        speech for government. memorized. awesome.

saturday:               ACT. first time taking. scared for my life.
saturday again:      play harp at the Christmas Home Show.

not to include all the time needed to spend practicing for all my little harp performances that i don't have time for, the track practices that i'm supposed to be starting to go to, the other time consuming homework that would lengthen this post from here to Timbuktu, etc.

24 hours is not enough time to eat, sleep, think, do homework, spend an hour with a tutor every day, run with my coach, and go to 8 hours of school.  NOT. HAPPENING.

harp is my life.

[[check out my video at the bottom of this post]]


I wish that young people of this generation would appreciate classical music. (I'm making a generalization here.  I know some do.  Most teenager's my age I know, however, don't.)

There is hardly ANY talent put into the rap, heavy metal, pop, hip hop, and what-have-you music of the day and age.  Really, though.  The only interesting part is the beat. (tssssssssssk. tssssssssssk.)

People say it's outdated, lame, boring, stupid, any number of other words to describe the "plain-ness" of classical music.  But honestly, you can't help appreciate beauty, can you?

The lives of composers were dedicated to their music, and years to even complete one masterpiece.  Each melody so meticulously pieced together, in order to define beauty without words.

These sort of thoughts and feelings run through me every day of my life because of the fact that I am a concert harpist.

Ever since a young age, I had wanted to play the harp.  I always admired it and knew that it was beauty, in and of itself.  So, when I was nine, I began to play.
I always felt like I started a bit older, my teacher's other students had been taking from her since they were four, or maybe five years old.

But I knew it was what I was supposed to do.  I quickly reached their level of performance, and after a few years, even surpassed them.

Now, it has only been 7 years that I have taken harp, but am currently working on the Handel Harp Concerto to audition and play with the Utah Symphony next fall.

Here's a video of a competition that I did at BYU.  (The second song is cooler, they're both beautiful though.)

if you like this, and know anyone who would be interested in having a harp at any sort of venue, I play for all sorts of things (I have to do a little bit of marketing myself, right?)

I have played for:

-wedding receptions/weddings

-parties

-accompanied choirs/orchestras

-you name it :)

seriously, though.  If you know anyone that would be interested, or you yourself would be, please send me an email at [emily.brown@gmail.com] or comment below, I would love to hear from you :)

missionary.

there's an eerie feeling,

when it comes to receiving your first letter from a missionary.

any letter from one, in fact.

my definition of a missionary:

a 19 year old boy who grows into a man, while he dedicates his life to and serves the Lord.

we will call this boy/man character HE.

he gave up his family, his social life, his studies in school, for two years.

and can never come home for holidays.  the only connection he has now is his freedom to write letters, and email his family.  and of course, a phone call on mother's day and Christmas.

and what is more amazing,

is how you can answer HIS prayers, through a letter.  out of pure inspiration.  i don't think i had said two full sentences to the kid in my life.  I hardly know him.

i think i will leave it at that.

don't go with your instinct, sometimes.

listen to the majority.

yeah, yeah, the majority isn't always right.

but when it comes to high school students, those of the male gender in particular.
listen to your best friends, those you have known for years, and whose opinions you value and trust.

listen to the fact he's a player, listen to the fact you've got better options, listen to the fact you know better, listen to the fact it doesn't matter what he does, listen to the fact the crowd says otherwise.

even when your instinct falls into infatuation. yes. not love. it doesn't exist until you get out of high school. (that's why I never post about boys. don't expect it from me, if it ever does happen, that's a pretty big deal.)

p.s. I also am one of those people that doesn't believe in love at first sight.  But I promise further explanation with come at a future time. (one post at a time.)

on a happier note,

now's the season for pumpkin carving, mulling spices on the stove-top, hot apple cider and chilly nights!

it's human nature.

human nature has never been stated so boldly and straightforward.

"What win I, if I gain the thing I seek?
A dream, a breath, a froth of fleeting joy.
Who buys a minute's mirth to wail a week?
Or sells eternity to get a toy?
For one sweet grape who will the vine destroy?
Or what fond beggar, but to touch the crown,
Would with the sceptre straight be strucken down?"

-The Rape of Lucrece, William Shakespeare.

simply put is our favorite cliché statement, we always want what we can't have.

realizations of a teenage girl.

a typical teenage life includes a few of these.  if you are anything like me, it would be all of them.

*weekend football/basketball games. whether it be home or away, attendance is necessary.

*being with friends constantly.

*enjoying yourself.

*procrastinating homework as long as physically possible.

*go to a party or two.

*drive around town.

however.

I have realized that these things don't necessarily measure your happiness.

It's about what you do.  What talents you have.  How you share them with other people.  What rounds your life, rather than the same consistent things all the time.

Consistency is boring.

While in a deep conversation with a close friend, we discussed numerous things, but one thing he said stuck with me.  We were talking about how I was having a rough time at school.  He said to me that it said a lot about my character that I didn't come back, and that I stuck through with it.  He said some other things along with it that I won't share, but I had never really thought about it that way.  It really hit me hard.

If you're still reading.  Here's some food for thought.  And a little glimpse into my mind at the moment.

I've learned recently that it is best to own up to your mistakes.  Make apologies.  And wait to see the outcomes.

Unfortunately, I'm not the most patient person in the world.  I wish I was.  And things I do keep biting me in the backside.  I guess writing about it is the only way I can really express how I feel about my life and what happens.  I wasn't blessed with the ability to speak my feelings well unless I write it out first.  Communicating correctly in person isn't a strength of mine, is my latest realization.

And here's a realization of the past few minutes.

Conjuring a well thought out post that has some sort of organized format doesn't sit well with me.

Have a good sunday!

I want to go back to these days.

back on the face of the planet.

i'm not dead i promise.  i may have possibly disappeared off the face of the planet,
but only for 6 days.  I'm back now.

*learning to deal with people will be the best lesson you can learn in life.

for a lack of anything better to say, i'll leave you with this.

Use what talents you possess.
The woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best.

indecisiveness.

you could describe me as indecisive.

i always need change, yet beg for consistency.

obviously, this is a problem.

*if you ask me to pick either McDonald's or Del Taco for lunch and happen to be on either side of the light, i couldn't tell you.

*i can't decide if i want long or short hair.

*when it comes to outfit picking, it's often a morning crisis.

or even a song that describes the current mood.  could make it down to maybe 5 or 6, never the one.
and lets not even talk about who i like.  the number skyrockets every other day.

the only favorites i have are Oreos and the color blue.

as a result of my obvious indecisiveness, I can't remember where I was going with this post.

so...

as a huge side note....

I hate the feeling of knowing you're mature.  and that the most important thing in your life changes from your friends to school, college, family, and your future.  the most exciting parts of my week include finishing studying for tests before midnight, and receiving my license in the mail.  I guess friday night football games don't bring me as much happiness as I expected them to, just like they used to.  Maybe it's because my friends don't care that I'm there, maybe it's because I don't feel missed when I miss my friends I don't see anymore, they don't miss me back.

I took for granted all of my friendships.

I want to make the most of the time when I do get to see them on the weekends.

Apparently, they don't care as much as I do.  

knowing me,

I am yet again sick of the look of this blog.

it no longer has such a cosmetic appeal as it did for the two seconds I had it at first.

I'm quite an indecisive person.

please, don't hate me while I change it once more.

words to never be said.

I think we often take certain words for granted.

--Thank You.
This can never be said enough times.  Being really truly grateful for something should be the only time this is said.  I believe it is totally and completely undermined in meaning, along with these other three.  An  overused word loses value.  I want someone to really feel appreciated when I tell them "Thank You." because in reality, it did mean something very important to me.

--I'm Sorry.
I abuse this statement entirely too often.  Often times in a situation you do one of a few things: do something you shouldn't have. accidentally hurt/cause harm to something/someone. mess up. etc.
Behaviors and actions are dismissed by saying "I'm Sorry."  Sorry means you feel guilt.  Hurt by your actions.  Disappointed.  And willing to never do what you did again.  Saying "I'm sorry" for stealing something of your friends, or for breaking something, or for saying something rude DOESN'T CUT IT. Only if you really mean that you are never willing to do that sort of thing again, should you say it.  Mean what you say, and say what you mean.

--I Love You.
I can't push this one enough.  Don't ever tell someone you love them unless your over the age of 18.  Get out of high school and realize that you aren't in love.  Realize that just because someone says "I Love You" and "You mean so much to me" means they've probably said it to people before you, and will after you're gone.  Get used to the fact that it most likely doesn't mean anything.
Love is something you grow into, lust and infatuation is something entirely different, and is what the large majority of high school relationships is.  The people you love are your best friends for life who you could never live without and your family.  Of course this entire situation changes when you get out of high school and mature, but geared towards the high school going crowd, I suggest you don't use this phrase.

--I Promise.
Don't ever use this unless you will 100% not back down from what you say.  There's a lot of ways you can get across the message that you want to without promising.


And that is all I have to say.  

Choose your words wisely, they make all the difference.

I came to dance.

alright,

the awaited pictures are here :)

HOMECOMING with Cam McGinn was absolutely amazing.  The best night of my life for a long time, and the best date that I have ever had!  For our day date we went ice-skating, which was so fun! I enjoyed every minute of it :)

got it on all by myself!! no help at all. I'm professional, what can I say.

me and Cam :)

had the most beautiful corsage, love it so much!  He picked the best one :)

Homecoming was absolutely amazing, thank you Cam! It will be one that I will never forget.

Dance #2.

Homecoming #2?

I guess it pays off to go to another school :)

Mr. Unknown filled my car with balloons and made me pop them all to find his name! 

We were at a Volleyball game.  Their cover was to make me go, and that my friend had to "change her shirt in my car."  Haha. Clever.  Tonight was good :)

untitled.

Labor Day weekend was not what I planned

But good things came about, as always.

We went with our cousins hiking up to Stewart Falls and all around up at Sundance Ski Resort.  Lots of fun trails to hike in the summer, even though it gets flooded with people on holidays.

Here's for you to enjoy.

my sweet cousin Kaitlin.  She is a gem :)

me, my brother Adam (in the green), and the cousins.

probably took them 5 minutes to get one picture.

just about fell. haha.

the bunch of us about to cross the river.

Along with this lovely day full of hiking, something incredible happened.

You know what that is?

It's a parking pass.

Do you know what that means?

Yes. I got my license!!

the disadvantages of being nice.

While I was still attending good old Timpanogos High, my English teacher started a class discussion on

the disadvantages of being nice.

Wait.  How could there possibly be disadvantages of being nice to someone?  Oh, there are so many.  It's an extremely logical point of view, if you ask me.  After our intriguing discussion, we were assigned to write a paragraph on the said title above.  Consequently, I was unable to turn my paragraph in.  I thought I carried a good argument.  So, as to no further adieu, here it is.

The Disadvantages of Being Nice

     For centuries, the human race has been taught and raised to act kindly to others.  However, this creates implications to every day life; it impairs emotions, personal opinions, relationships with others, and leaves negative impressions.  As in an act of kindness one chooses to talk to a slightly awkward individual, the consequence of this kind act turns into the "shiny new toy" outcome.  This awkward individual now thinks a new friend came about because someone proved "kind" enough to carry on a small yet quite uncomfortable conversation.  As another example, if approached by a person dressed quite outlandish and asks, "Does this outfit look good?", and it obviously doesn't, the kind thing would result in an answer like, "Why yes of course it does!", when really, the opposite opinion is the truth.  This kindness in fact questions and changes one's veracity, and people lost trust in this person's opinion.  Other disadvantages can but not always include damaged relationships, along with negative impressions.  Fake people never succeed, and nice guys finish last.

social butterfly?

I am quite the social butterfly, if you know me at all.
I'm constantly surrounded by people.  Not to totally be bragging about anything, its just my personality.
I'm most comfortable around friends; I think most people are.

Nevertheless,

my social life has disappeared completely.

but,

I think that I am in the right place that I need to be in my life.

I really could never see myself leaving my friends and my entire social life; but now that I have temporarily, I have come across the advantages of this.

Not only do I have time to study, but I really get things out of the class, rather than thinking about my friends in the class, not focusing, and letting my mind wander.

I stopped feeling uncomfortable with the teachers and students in my class yesterday; I suddenly realized that it really wasn't that bad.
I kind of think that this is what college is going to be like.

You are just with a bunch of other students who want to be learning the most they can. (For the most part.. there's always an exception to everything.)  I started to notice myself realizing that I honestly didn't care if no one texted me after school, or even in school.  I stopped caring if no one talked to me in class, and just cared that I was there to learn.

I think college will be a lot like that too.

This leaves a lot more room for coming into your own; in some other people's words; a flower coming into bloom.

I realized life isn't about your friends today.

Because I can still be happy without them.

Here's something for you to enjoy.

I love this.

Even though I'm not a fan of tattoos, I definitely think this one is cool; there's a sort of sentimental value to it.

Have no fear, people.  Someone's always there to watch out for you. :)

every cloud has a silver lining.

to every hardship, something good comes out of it.

hard work pays off, let me tell you.

look what I got in the mail yesterday..

an invitation from the one and only Johns Hopkins University.

to attend an admissions conference.

I cannot contain my excitement :)

Johns Hopkins is the university I have dreamt about attending.

This is such a great opportunity!

Yeah I know it's backwards.  Thanks to Photobooth for that.

But, it says,

"You and your family are invited to join the deans of admissions from four of the nation's top colleges and universities for a presentation on academics, student life, and the application process."

Can't wait to go to that next week in Salt Lake!

And more exciting news,

I got my uniform!

Well, part of it.

Here's today's outfit.

 blue polo. khaki pants. typical.

Karl G. Maeser insignia and everything; I'm lookin pretty official.

Today was a better day.  After notes and letters of encouragement from countless numbers of friends, I had a much more successful day :)  I made a few new friends and am starting to enjoy my classes a little! 

Maeser; day 1.

I, Emily Vera Brown,

am drowning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~lol~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

^^that's me drowning.^^

Here's how my day went today.

6:10 woke up.

6:15 showered and got ready for school.

7:00 dressed in my Maeser uniform.

7:15 drove to Maeser.

7:30 started 1st period. [seminary. a.k.a. church at school.]

8:25 started 2nd period. [AP Calculus. AB. 13 people in my class.]

9:20 go to 3rd period. [CHINESE 1. I'm dying. Ni Hao?...]

10:15 start 4th period. [AP Chemistry. funny teacher.]

11:05 LUNCH. that was awful. had a friend to sit by, but felt so incredibly lonely..

11:35 commences 5th&6th period. [what?! 5th&6th period? yeah. weird.. Socratic Seminar. English and History combined. Two hour seminar.]

1:25 starts 7th period. [Honors Government.. good thing I hate discussing politics.]

2:20 starts 8th period. [Computer Tech. last class of the day, wohoo! good thing I have 105 wpm, like I really need to be in that class...]

And school finally ends at 3:10pm.

WHAT.

going from 2:15 to 3:10 is a big change..

and having 8 classes a day rather than 4.

and homework for 8 classes every night.

yes, I'm drowning.

another word could describe me as OVERWHELMED.

and I took the one less traveled by.

I have made my decision.

Ladies and gentlemen...

I have been accepted to Karl G. Maeser Preparatory Academy.

I transferred today.

Tomorrow is my first day.


Uniform, and all.
I don't know what I think about this; I know in my heart this is everything that I need in my life, and this is the opportunity that will open doors constantly throughout the rest of my life.

And yet I'm devastated to leave my friends and school behind.

The plus side to this is that I can run track at Timpanogos still, because Maeser doesn't have a track team themselves.

The best of both worlds (sorta).

Prayer does a lot, people.  The Man Upstairs knows what's best for you, and if you listen to Him, He will get you to the places you need to go.

I am taking the road less traveled by.

two roads diverged in a wood.

Decisions cause too much stress to handle sometimes.

Opportunities show themselves.

Emotions overcome you instantly.

Tears come up into your eyes; you try and push them back.

A time constraint of 48 hours doesn't do much help, either.

One decision can change your life.  One simple choice.

And it can take you on a completely different course than you planned on being.

Or maybe you did plan on taking that route, just not as quickly as it came to you.

And it hits you that you have always wanted this to happen, but that the way it came about was definitely not the way you expected, nor as early as you expected.

This poem by Robert Frost sums up my every thought.

"The Road Not Taken"

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim

Because it was grassy and wanted wear,

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I marked the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost.

I am at the head of two roads diverging in a wood.

I don't know which to take.

Maybe I'll take Robert Frost's advice, and take the one less traveled by.

his name is.

and I said yes.

Can't wait to go to Homecoming with....

 Cam McGinn!

I have a fantastic date, absolutely cannot wait for September 10th :)

dancy pants.

I got asked to Homecoming.

My first dance.

cute :)

and the family survived.

I think it's time for a story.  One that is close to my soul, strikes fear in my heart, and brings tears to my eyes every time I share it.  

     It was the day after Christmas, in the year 2003.  A young family of four, a mother and father, and a daughter and son.  As a present from Santa, they received snowshoes the day previous.  The children, and parents as well, couldn't wait to go out into their favorite place, the great outdoors, and use the newly opened gifts.  The family packed up and drove up to their favorite canyon, and went to a place called Aspen Grove.  Many family memories had been shared there, and this was just going to be another great one to add.  

     They unloaded, and got on their way.  The father knew his cell phone would have no service up this canyon, but after the family had ventured off a ways, he had a strong urge to go back and get his phone.  He obeyed this prompting, not knowing why.

     The family continued on.

     Throughout the course of their snowshoe trek, little things kept holding the family back; the little girl had a bloody nose, the boy kept making his own trails, going off the main path.  All of these making the hike much longer than necessary.  After a while, the father noticed on the side of the mountain that there were some snowboarders up in the middle of the mountain, and doing some back-country boarding.  He felt the impression to count how many there were.  He counted 6.  The impression came again to count; a double-check.

     He now counted 7.

     Immediately this father recognized that these young teenagers were in an avalanche chute.  An extremely dangerous place to be in, as the night before had received several feet of new snow.  He started to worry for his family, but tried to think nothing of it, and to enjoy the time spent with his family.

     All of a sudden, the girl decided to look up at the top of the mountain above the snowboarders.  She asked her father,

     "Dad, what is that?"

     A billowing cloud of snow was racing a hundred miles an hour down the mountain side; rumbling like the sound of an earthquake, and the word death written across it.

     An avalanche.

     Death was a sudden reality, the parents of this family knew, and soon the children realized it too.  The father yelled, "RUN!" and they ran.  They ran as fast as they could through feet of snow, and made it about 20 feet further.  They crouched down, made pockets in the snow for air, and waited for the avalanche to cover them.  

     Wind speeds up to 80 mph, rock and debris being flung about like nothing; their lives flashed before their eyes, even the young children.

     And they were not covered.

     The family stood up; they were in a completely different landscape, nothing was recognizable.  Instantly the father pulled out his phone, prayed for a miracle, and called 911.

     The call went through.  He was connected to 911, and immediately got ahold of search and rescue and told them of the disaster.  Just as he finished the call, another rumbling started.

     A second avalanche was on its way.  There was no time for anything else but to have God on this family's side.  The family knelt in the snow and said a prayer, thinking that it could be their last together.

     As the second avalanche approached, they had no time to move, so they did the same as before, and hoped not to be covered as expected.

     

     The second one passed, and the family was not covered in snow.

     Now the family knew that they needed to get back or they would surely die.  But in order to do that, they needed to cross the avalanche path, a dangerous place to be, and in the wide open.  They decided to do so, rather than continue forward into the bowl where more avalanches could break.  The family made it about three quarters of the way across, when they heard a large "BOOM" and felt the ground drop; the snow settle into place.  

     A third was coming.  And it felt like the largest of them all.  This time the family was in the wrong place, right in the middle of where the flow would deposit.  They would surely be covered this time around.

     They were proved wrong, for a third time.  Not covered at all, but only by debris and blown snow, but not the snow pack of the avalanche.  

     The family ran for the trees, and made it back to the parking lot where they met with Search & Rescue; alive.

     The 7 snowboarders disappeared after the first slide.  Search & Rescue, along with the father, went out to search for the lost boys.  Four were able to dig themselves out.  Three were killed.

This was my family.

I was the little girl, just 8 years old.

My brother was only 6.

*********

"The avalanche covered an area the width of three city blocks and a half-mile long with as much as 14 feet of snow..." (CNN news).

The avalanche hit near the end of a storm that dumped 29 inches of snow in the Sundance area in 24 hours, according to the National Weather Service. (LA Times).

This is exactly the picture I remember in my head.  And this is a picture of my avalanche, the one I was in.

This is the Search & Rescue team, my dad included, looking for the missing boys.

So many other details aren't included in this, and yet I think this is enough.  There are countless news articles, newscasts, and even the 911 call that my dad made on the internet; I've heard and seen them myself.  

I thank my Lord that I survived this disaster, and know that I did for a reason.  There was no possible way, when you look back, that my family was supposed to live through that.  Somehow, we did.  Greater things were meant for us; I plan on achieving something great one day.  This story just proves that I am destined to.

i'm crumbling to pieces.

my life is falling apart.

I know it's not.

But it still feels like it is.

My parents are out of town through the beginning of school; I get to take care of a house, a brother, a sick dog, and balance my own life at the same time.

I feel like my friends hate me (no I'm not trying to have a pity party; sometimes I just feel a little unappreciated.)

I can't seem to keep my wits about school starting.  I have no school supplies and have to last 3 days unorganized.  I know I will never get back on schedule unless I start from the beginning, which I can't.

I still don't have a license.

I still have to balance practicing harp with cross country and studying, along with anything else seems to come my way.

And me, having a people-pleaser personality, feel the need and sole responsibility to keep everyone happy.

To make matters worse, 

WE LOST our first football game.  Against LEHI.  Who had lost 26 consecutive games until this game.

Our team wasn't supposed to lose that game. 

It's been a bad night.

No one's happy, here.

words of wisdom to the school-attending crowd.

And yes, yet another school-is-starting post for you to read.

But, don't stop here!  I promise I have interesting things to say.

I remember when I was younger, looking at all the big sixth graders, thinking I would never get there.

And then I became one.

I remember when I was younger, looking up to the big scary freshman, thinking I would never be the people they were.

And then I was.

I remember last year, looking at the juniors, thinking they're old and wise (kind of.)

And now I am.

I love school.

Yes, I do.  And I don't love it just for the social aspect.  I love learning.  I don't care who you are or what you believe (sorry, not meant rudely), but I believe that when you die, you take all the knowledge you gain on earth with you, to heaven or hell.  So doesn't matter where you go, but as long as you are learning, you are gaining.  And keeping forever.

In 6 short days I will begin my junior year, grade 11, whichever you prefer.  The time where life really starts getting important, because you all of a sudden become real important to the universities.

• Sports start to come into play.  Better get that Varsity Letter second year in a row.
• Academics are always a key factor.  So what, I don't have a 4.0 GPA. But I take AP classes, honors, advanced math, and classes no one else wants to take.  A 3.9 with a story is much better than a 4.0 with the word [cheater] written all over it.
• ACT and SAT college entry exams.  Always the stress of older high school students.

Then the overall feeling of growing up, and leaving home in a year.

I don't want to be on my own so soon.

This is what 6 days of my life brings; my junior year. 

As far as classes go for next year.. here happens to be my schedule:

A1- AP Calculus AB

A2- French 4

A3- Acapella SATB

A4- Computer Tech/ Gov & Cit

B1- AP Chemistry

B2- Calc Lab

B3- Seminary

B4- English Honors

Pardon me.

i like to change my blog.  it keeps me sane.  i'm not a consistent person, although i thrive on consistency.

and once again: it happens.

As my determined little self sat restlessly in my house, a thought came to me.

AHHH I NEED TO RUN.

so, i did.

and, those tempting things called

HURDLES

played with my mind.

And i got them out.

As a result of jumping-the-gun and acting out of pure desire,

I fell.

And fell some more.

Ouch.

Pictures do it no justice, it looks (and feels) a lot worse in person.

I did this once already in the middle of a race in April.

My knee is completely scarred from it.

And here we go again, with another fall.

I cried.

Not because of pain, or hurt.

But because of disappointment.

I hate that word. I hate the feeling. It is the one feeling that I always try and avoid.

It brings more pain to me than anything else.

And the worst kind of disappointment is the disappointment in yourself.

It's okay, the fact my mother didn't sympathize with me and swore at me instead

It's okay, the fact I had to clean the tar out of my skin myself

It's okay, the fact I learned from this experience for my own personal benefit

But, I was still disappointed. I hate setbacks.